


Three Sisters

by froeken_frost



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Character Background, Daily routine at Dalish clan, Family Issues, Future Inquisitor Lavellan, Gen, Homophobia, Minor Character Death, Pre-Inquisition, Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-11 19:35:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5639446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/froeken_frost/pseuds/froeken_frost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From 9:41 Dragon on Inquisitor Lavellan may play a major roll in the political and religious life of all Thedas.<br/>But she had another life before the Divine Conclave, among her Clan, among her sisters.<br/>It was a more innocent time, probably.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Me not being the person you were expecting me to be is not my problem. At all.

**Author's Note:**

> Since I couldn't work on my main series [Ill faded](http://archiveofourown.org/series/351002) over the holidays, I decided to try and write a little prompt everyday. And since I actually liked how they turned out, I decided to share them with you - or at least the void...  
> The prompts come from [PutThePrompsOnPaper](http://putthepromptsonpaper.tumblr.com/) .  
> This work is not part of my main series, but refers to the same world.  
> Enjoy :)

**_9:32 Dragon_ **

Usually Xen’eth looked forward when her older sister managed to take some time and accompany her on her hunting trips. Not that Mir’lin was an especially skilled hunter, or even a decent, reliable partner when it came to quietly follow prey. But Xen’eth did enjoy her company, and the herbs and mushrooms Mir’lin would bring along only added on her looking forward to their shared hunting trips.

Deeply obtained in these kind of thoughts, she sat on the floor at their tonight’s camp’s exit and counted the arrows in her quiver for yet another time, more out of boredom than of the will to prepare for her trip. Her heart bounced in anticipation as she heard the silent footsteps heading towards her.

Xen’eth lifted her glance from her fingers slowly caressing the dark feathers on the end of her arrows and grinned towards her older sister, who was approaching her in a quick pace. The slender bow on her back and the leathern quiver on her side were still an unexpected sight, but Xen’eth couldn’t restrain herself from a happy grin.

“Finally. Already thought you wouldn’t show.” She lowered her voice on purpose, because despite her own habits, most people of their clan denied to rise in the early morning lights if they didn’t go on a hunting trip. Xen’eth had no certain understanding of these kind of habits. She loved the dusky morning hours, while the peace of the night still lingered quietly above the glowing grey of the rising morning. But Mir’lin’s face clearly told another story.

“Tell me again, why we have to start that early?” Mir’lin asked slowly while faking an extended yarn.

“Maybe you should have woken that lover of yours. Guess she could have… get you started pretty easily.” Xen’eth teased, devilishly enjoying the sight of Mir’lin’s right cheek coloring in a deeper shade of pink.

“Rana was up already as I left. Can we go now? If you didn’t intended to leave early in the morning, I could as well have slept in longer!” Mir’lin obviously tried to change the subject. Xen’eth only shrugged and led the way out of the camp and into the dense green woods. She briefly considered asking Mir’lin if something between her and Rana was ad odds, but then decided not to interfere with her sister’s love life. At least not until they were out of earshot from the camp side.

As soon as they left the encampment behind them, Xen’eth turned around to her sister walking a few feet behind her. She was quite sure no one was around them to eavesdrop, but she still kept her voice lower again.

“You are aware, I don’t intent to hunt… ordinary prey today, right?” She shot Mir’lin a wicked grin as she noticed the smug, asymmetric smile on her sister’s face. One should think she’d gotten used to the fact that her sister could only move the unharmed side of her face, but Xen’eth still felt a small pang of compassion every time it came to her mind, even though the accident laid years behind by now.

“I assumed so. Which city are we heading for today?” Mir’lin did seem to wake up in the meantime, her looks cleared up and her smile became intense again. Xen’eth felt a slight rush of relief by her sister’s words. She certainly made no secret about sneaking into cities and well, let’s call it trading, for the Creators’ sake, her goods there. But she also knew that some of the clan’s member weren’t exactly fond of her doing. And as secretive as Mir’lin could behave sometimes, Xen’eth could never be sure, if her sister disapproved of her actions or if she simply didn’t cared enough about them.

“Kirkwall, I guess. We should be there shortly after noon.” She answered briefly, because her mind was already searching for ideas of why her sister had insisted to accompany her. Mir’lin usually never went along her trips to the _shem’len_ cities, only along her regular hunting trips, and even those only sometimes.

“So… What exactly are you searching for in the big city?” Xen’eth continued, even though she was not precisely content with her blunt way of asking. She certainly could do better. But surprisingly Mir’lin seemed eager to answer her anyway.

“Well, to be honest: I was hoping we could find some small pieces of gold. For… ornaments.” Xen’eth rose her eyebrows in astonishment. She couldn’t remember anyone from their clan had ever worn anything with golden ornaments on it. _Unnecessary trinkets_ , as their mother would call them. She shot her sister a questioning glance. She could see how Mir’lin considered brushing her off like this, but then she gave in.

“Rana told me, her clan handled things differently. They were allowed to wear jewelry that isn’t plainly useful.” Xen’eth laughed under her breath, one finger brushing over her wooden earrings, which still drew agitated glances from her mother. Oh, Deshanna Lavellan obviously disliked anything that was only meant for pleasure and lacked a practical value. No one could sing this song better than herself!

“Rana told you that, hm? What did you do to her that you have to organize something glittering as a redemption? Fucked her sister?” Xen’eth smirked at the simple thought of it. Her sister and her beloved were way too boring to even look at other women. Both of them, even though Rana at least was some fun. Unlike Mir’lin who usually buried herself in her alchemistic stuff. Except for the times her experiments blew up half of the camp again. Which was definitely fun, Xen’eth added silently.

“I did no such thing!” Mir’lin outraged, the cheek which wasn’t covered in burned scars, reddening once again. Xen’eth actually found it thrilling how easily it was to startle her sister up. Almost too easy.

“Actually… I need it for something… special.” Mir’lin added, her shoulders slouching forward now, chewing nervously on her lower lip. There definitely was something different her sister held back. Mir’lin brushed her palm over forehead and cheek nervously, before she found the courage to speak up again. She reached out for one of her pockets and drew something out of it, hidden by her closed hand.

“What’s that?” Xen’eth pointed her chin towards Mir’lin’s still closed fist, now seriously curios.

“As I said. Rana’s clan uses to keep much closer contact to human settlements, so they trade on a regularly basis. Like that, they have easier access to gold and… well ornament special gifts with it.” Mir’lin opened her tightened fist as she spoke, and Xen’eth caught herself gasping as she recognized the small gift Mir’lin had obviously crafted for Rana.

The slender ring in the color of the redwood trees laid exposed on Mir’lin’s slightly shaking palm. Xen’eth shot her a quick look to ensure she was allowed to take a closer look before she reached out for it. She noticed the delicate carvings on it, even though she couldn’t make out the meaning behind them.

“I asked Rhachalle to help me with the elven runes. It says _Ma Bellanaris_. My eternity.” Xen’eth frowned by her sister’s words. So she truly meant it.

“You’re going to ask her to bond with you!” She exclaimed, louder than she had intended to. Not that she would care. They were midst in the woods, not a soul around them to hear them. Her thoughts started racing at the newly realized information. But she surely couldn’t wrap her mind around one thing.

“Mother is going to kill you.” She objected briefly. Which was the truth, probably. Their mother would definitely not going to feel delighted for her second-born to choose a way that may never actually lead to her desired grandchildren with magical abilities. But Mir’lin only shot her a small, sad smile.

“Let’s hope not. She will object, for sure. But I hope she’ll understand. Not today, nor tomorrow. But one day. Maybe.” Xen’eth knew she should feel happy for her sister now. Her sister, who was about to bond with the love of her life. It must be selfish of her, but all she could think about was the pressure that their mother would now lay on Rhachalle’s and her shoulders.

“You know all she ever wanted was to craft the perfect mage. Her glorified dream of a perfect Keeper. How do you think she’ll react if you tell her, you won’t give her those children either?” Xen’eth tried to hold her anger back, but she could tell it wouldn’t work. Mir’lin’s face gloomed with displeasure. It was obvious she had thought their dialogue to take a different turn.

“I know I was her greatest hope for that, yes. With you obviously not interested in any kind of commitment, and Rhach not interested in any kind of social interaction at all… But I can’t change it.” Mir’lin took a deep breath before she locked her greenbrown eyes on her own.

“Neither of us can change who we are. Us not being the kind of daughters she expected us to be, can’t be our problems. At all.”

Xen’eth sighed. Of course she was right. Unlike Rhachalle she had never actually tried to live up to their mother’s impossible standards. Yet she was well aware of how uncomfortable their live would become if they’d really piss their mother of.

“Come on. Let’s get you some gold for Rana’s bonding ring. Congrats, sister. The two of you definitely deserve some luck!”


	2. You’re too young to know this but… love isn’t always a permanent state.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some homophobia in this chapter

_**9:32 Dragon** _

Mir’lin didn’t feel well at all about her intention. She knew her mother’s obstinacy all too well to expect this to go smoothly. With one hand she searched for the small, wooden ring that dangled on a thin leathern fastening around her neck. She took a second to caress the carved wood before she took another deep breath.

This wouldn’t go well. But she would try, anyway. What other choice did she have? Mir’lin allowed herself one last deep sigh before she rose from the campfire. She felt her lover’s delicate touch softly lingering on her arm, even underneath her armor.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come, love?” Rana asked, her small, cheering smile wavered a little this time. Mir’lin nodded affirmably, even though she swallowed hard to prevent her from begging the other woman to follow her.

“I know my mother. It’ll be better this way, trust me.” Rana gave her another caring smile, before she let go of her arm and curled her arms around knees again, staring distantly into the flickering campfire, clearly oblivious towards the joyful chattering from the rest of the clan.

Mir’lin left the camp side quickly, before the stirring anxiety in her chest could change her mind and prevent her from finally confronting her mother. She picked up the pace as she headed for the small elven ruin on the side of the road, they had discovered earlier that day. She was well aware of the fact that disturbing her mother while she was working wasn’t exactly the best moment to bother her with her personal affairs, except, there never was a good time to disturb her mother with personal affairs. Keeper Deshanna Lavellan was a very busy woman most of time and her daughters’ petty matters should better stay like this: _Their_ problems instead of hers.

And most of the times, they agreed happily with their mother on that matter. But this was a problem she had to discuss with the Keeper of their clan.

As soon as she reached the abandoned, ragged building, she could feel her skin tingle from the magical aura of her mother’s spells, even before she spotted her. A movement on her left startled her as much, she almost let out a small scream, but calmed herself quickly as she recognized her older sister, bent over what she suspected to be an old, almost faded rune. The flickering veilfire lit next to Rhachalle casted eerie lighting on her pale skin and white hair as she turned around, her face an unreadable mask. Mir’lin wasn’t sure if Rhachalle had simply heard her steps before or if she didn’t feel surprised at all to see her here, even though Mir’lin usually avoided to interfere with their studies of ancient buildings that threatened to crumple while one was inside.

“I’m looking for _Mamae_. Is she somewhere around?” Mir’lin asked, a little uncomfortable by her sister’s confused glance and continuing silence. That broke Rhachalle’s rigidness. Her sister nodded her head and pointed vaguely further into the ruin. Mir’lin thanked her and was just about to leave, as it came to her mind that Rhachalle would probably not benefit from witnessing the upcoming argument.

“It is already hours after sunset, Rhach. You should quit here and get some rest. Creators knows you sure didn’t get enough sleep last night, either.” Even though it was meant as a white lie, Mir’lin noticed the dark shadows underneath her sister’s light brown eyes, which in the flickering, pale light of the veilfire seemed even more distinctly. Rhachalle definitely hadn’t slept enough the last few nights again.

“I am fine. I will finish my work first.” Rhachalle’s dark voice hovered steadily through the clangorous silence of the old ruin. Her sister shot a quick glimpse in the direction she had told her their mother ought to be right now, before she faced her again.

“Furthermore, if you wish to discuss what I assume you wish to, you may be in some need for aid afterwards. I will be here, if you need me.” Mir’lin felt slightly better as she heard Rhachalle’s promise. After all her strangeness, she was indeed the best option to calm their mother down, if need be.

“Thanks, Rhach. Let’s hope she’ll just not be too mad at me.” Obviously there was nothing left to talk about for her sister, because Rhachalle only hinted an agreeing nod and turned towards her runes again. Mir’lin brushed her hands over her cheeks once again, a small gesture to encourage herself once more before she stepped down the hallway, grass growing between the ancient stones that once must have been an artistic pavement.

She did indeed find her mother after she passed the next lithic archway. Her mother sat on the floor, legs crossed underneath her, copying some of the unreadable scribbles on the wall. Unreadable for her, at least.

“There is a reason why you interrupt my studies, I assume?” Her mother addressed her, without looking up from her parchment. Her voice forced Mir’lin to swallow again, to calm her agitated nerves. This should better be good.

“Yes, there is, mother. If you can spare me a moment?” Mir’lin tried her best to keep her voice down, she knew her mother didn’t value loud talking. Especially if one abode within a ruin of their lost civilization.

Now her mother rose her gaze and looked at her directly. In times like this, when she really had to ask a favor from her mother and she had to behave the way her mother appreciated it, she found it most peculiar how similar her mother and her younger sister were. The same shape and color of their eyes, the same flaming red hair, even though her mother braided it demurely every day and there could be found some stains of silver-grey in it. But considered how different their personalities were, Mir’lin had always found it strange to look into the same green eyes as Xen’eth’s and remember to behave properly.

“This does not seem to take only a moment. Your face. It betrays you. Something is troubling you, and you are lacking the skills to hide it.” Mir’lin tried her best not to show the anger her mother’s words draw from her. Anyone else might have asked their daughter straight forward what the problem was. Or even offered to help. But Deshanna wasn’t like anyone else. She rather preferred to blame her daughter for looking troubled. Mir’lin wondered for a second why she still wasn’t used to it by now.

“You’re right. There is a matter I wish to discuss.” Mir’lin took yet another deep breath and withstood the urge to reach for the wooden ring hidden underneath her armor again. It might give her some courage, but there was no chance her mother would not notice the gesture.

“As you know, Rana has been with our clan for almost three years by now. The arrangement with Clan Ralaferin is almost over and she originally she needs to return to them again.” Mir’lin could almost tell how even the slightest interest on her mother’s face faded almost immediately.

“I am well aware of this, _Da’len_. Yet that still does not answer my question.” She could feel the urge to scream rising up her chest as her mother returned her attention back to the parchment on her lap. Of course she would pretend not to know. Or maybe she really didn’t know? Mir’lin wasn’t even sure if Deshanna was even aware of her relationship. Or anything else going on in her personal life.

“Rana wants to stay with our clan. I came to ask if you’d consider taking her in as a permanent member.” She restrained herself to keep her voice as low and considerate as she could manage. She might feel the urge to yell at her mother for not caring on a personal level, but this was most certainly not the time for it. Besides, Mir’lin doubted it would change anything.

“Rana was transferred to Clan Lavellan as a teacher for Eraine’s son. Now that he is quite educated with sword and shield, we have no further need for Rana in our Clan. We do already have enough mouths to feed.” The coldness in her mother’s voice agitated her once again. She forced herself to stay quiet for another few seconds, trying to control her anger by concentrating on her breaths as Rhachalle had shown it to her once. Mir’lin still didn’t understand how it was supposed to work. She could still feel it seething underneath her skin.

“I know, mother. But Rana doesn’t want to leave. She… likes it here. She wants to stay with us.” Mir’lin noticed a little too late how she had risen her voice by the last few words and earned a disapproving look from her mother because of it. But she could feel how she past the point on which she would care for it.

“If this is her wish, why does Rana not express it to me in person?” Deshanna shot back, her thin brows furrowed, now clearly expressing her anger she tried to keep out of her voice.

Mir’lin could feel the pressure on her chest, the hidden ring suddenly gaining weight as she cleared her throat from the rising nervousness.

“I wanted to speak to you first. You’re our Keeper, yes. But you’re also my mother and I’d hoped you’d care some more of what your own daughter wants. And I want Rana to stay.” Mir’lin hurried through her well-prepared sentences, that now suddenly didn’t sound decent enough anymore.

“We love each other, mother. We have been together for over a year by now. I want her to become my bonded, and she agreed. It is tradition for those bonding to choose one clan to stay with them. And we would like to stay with Clan Lavellan.” Her mother’s face froze into an unmoving mask once again. Mir’lin could feel the anxiety stirring on the back of her mind. This didn’t look good.

“You are both women. Two women do not bond.” Mir’lin cut in the expected objection, glad she had prepared herself for it.

“Not in our clan, but it is allowed in many others. I know you reject the thought mainly because couples like us usually don’t have kids. But it doesn’t have to be like this! Rana and I, we both agree we would love to have kids! And I could be the one who receives, so your bloodline will continue and your grandchildren could be mages. Like you always wanted Xen’eth and me to be mages.” Mir’lin felt how her throat went dry as her mother kept her unreadable face.

For a few moments Deshanna kept her silence. Mir’lin hoped she was thinking about her arguments, but the cold eyes laid upon her discouraged her soon enough again.

“You are both women. Two women do not bond.” The monotonous repetition of her mother’s voice almost drove her mad. Didn’t she listened? Of course she did. She just _refused_ to understand.

“Don’t make me choose between her and my clan, mother. I can’t promise my decision would be in favor of the clan! I love her, and she loves me. That’s more than I can say about our _oh-so-deeply-caring_ family we have here!” Mir’lin hissed at her mother, not restraining her voice any longer. Her eyes narrowed in anger, and she knew how much her mother disliked it if her daughters showed their feelings to distinctly. But right now, she couldn’t care less.

“Presumably, you are still too young to know this but let me tell you, love is not always a permanent state. You would do better not to rely on it too much.” Surprised Mir’lin noticed the sharp sound in her mother’s voice and the agitated look of hers. She had probably never seen her mother this troubled. At another time she would have wondered what kind of weak spot she had hit by her words, but right now she preferred to rush out of earshot before she could come up with something she’d regret later.

On her way out Mir’lin could feel Rhachalle’s restrained glance lingering on her. She stopped and turned around to her older sister, snapping roughly at her, even though she regretted it a second later. Rhach never did anything but to offer support for her relationship with Rana.

Fortunately, her sister didn’t seem to bother much about it. Not that Mir’lin could tell, at least.

“I will talk to Mother, if you do not object. Maybe I will be able to convince her. I do not wish you or Rana to leave the Clan.”

Mir’lin couldn’t remember the last time she felt so grateful for her older sister. She restrained herself from giving her a firm hug, for she knew her sister didn’t feel comfortable with physical closeness. Instead, she only nodded towards her.

“I’d be most thankful if you would.”


	3. I’d give anything for someone to look at me that way, like they knew I’d be their downfall.

_**9:39 Dragon** _

The moment Xen’eth entered her families’ _aravel_ , she knew she was in trouble. Again.

“What’s it now, sis?” She asked, as she turned towards Rhachalle, sitting cross-legged on her bedroll, another one of her old books on her lap.

“This behavior of yours may not continue, _lethallan_.” Her monotonous voice was resounding softly in the quietness of the room, despite the grumpy look on her face, a clear sign of her older sister disapproving.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” Xen’eth cut her of, even though she didn’t count on getting herself out of it so easily. Unfortunately, her sister could be quite persistent, if she thought it necessary.

“You do know precisely what I am referring to.” Rhachalle rose at her words, her guarded face in the dim light even harder to read as usually.

“Your unreasonable behavior is endangering the Clan. I cannot proceed to allow it.” Her sister continued, casually placing the heavy looking book next to her. Xen’eth sighed in annoyance. She could already tell in which direction this discussion would head.

“Who I’m sleeping with is none of your fucking business, Rhach. Just stay out of it.” She tried a last time, but her older sister didn’t seem to get the hint. Or she was just ignoring it. Again.

“Indeed, it is not. But unfortunately, you are making it a problem of mine as it is indeed causing a threat to our Clan.” Rhachalle planted herself in front of her, and by the way she crossed her arms over her chest and stuck her chin out, Xen’eth could tell her sister was trying to seem intimidating. She probably had no clue how ridiculous her gesture seemed considered she was towering almost a whole head over her older sister.

“Do you lecture Mir’lin about her sex life, too?” Xen’eth shot, definitely irritated meanwhile. The day had been bad enough, she really didn’t needed _this_ right now.

Rhachalle let her arms loose again, scratching her forehead indecisively.

“Of course I do not. Mir’lin and Rana have been faithfully bonded for years by now. Besides, I certainly have no desire in prying about any of your… arrangements either.”

Rhachalle seemed to try to find the right words, maybe so she didn’t agitated her any more than she already had. If Xen’eth wouldn’t feel so annoyed by her right now, she would probably appreciate it.

“Can you not see how laying with _shem’len_ endangers the Clan? One day, this behavior of yours will lead to even greater problems with the _shem’len_ settlements than we already have face.”

Xen’eth groaned, exhausted already by her sister’s arguments that hadn’t changed at all since their last conversation about her sex life. Or the one before that.

“Listen Rhach, I’m not endangering anyone. What do you think I’m doing? Running around, sleeping with guys and telling them my name and home address afterwards? The point is _not_ getting too attached to them! I find them, I lure them away from their group, I fuck them, I leave. Nothing more.”

Maybe it was just her imagination, but she was nearly sure she could see her sister’s face cringe by her words. It almost made her smile wickedly. Even though making a prude like her older sister uncomfortable with stories of her adventures wasn’t exactly a challenge.

“I will admit, it has functioned until now. One day it might not. One day, one of your… acquaintance might follow you afterwards, and thus you will lead him directly towards the Clan. You do know quite well the Clan cannot hold against a serious raid if caught unprepared.”

A shadow crossed her sister’s face for a few seconds by her words. Always so worried… Xen’eth was tempted to suggest to take her on one of her trips again. But she remembered the last time she claimed Rhachalle to be more relaxed after she’d get a bit of action for herself quite well. And she was not exactly keen on a repetition.

“Please, _lethallan_. Do consider my ask. It is only for the best.” And after a short break she continued, her voice lowered even more, so she was forced to listen really carefully to even understand her words.

“If you must fulfill your needs, you shall be aware there are plenty of men among our Clan that are not bonded. Maybe…” Xen’eth burst out in bitter laughter as she saw the darkening of Rhachalle’s cheeks.

“Seriously Rhach, have you looked at them? Even once?” Xen’eth didn’t expected her older sister to answer, so she kept going after a few seconds of tense silence.

“They’re boring. And I’m friends with half of them. Plus, I work with them! Besides, the other half is either too young or too old for me!” She tried to explain, suddenly aware they had never actually come past the point where she was yelling at her older sister and Rhachalle retreated without any more advices.

“So, as far as I understand, it is less the act that you seek than the sense of adventure?” Rhachalle asked, her voice pitched slightly higher at the end of it, breaking with her usual habit of speaking so monotonous one could fall asleep just by listening to her. Xen’eth thought about her words for a second and twisted her lips into a smug grin.

“Maybe. Plus, I like the image they created in their minds about us Dalish.” She indulged for a moment in the thought of the man this afternoon and his almost horrified look as he had felt her blade on his throat. And his more than pleased look when she had started to undress him. He had understand pretty quickly, what her intention had been.

“I am afraid, I am uncertain of what you are refereing to. As far as I understand, the _shem’len_ usually think us nothing but bandits and savages.” Rhachalle really did look confused by now. And Xen’eth caught herself to be quite help herself to continue. It was rare enough to see Rhachalle, who always seemed so confident and full of herself, uncomfortable.

“Well, I guess that’s the whole point of it. They are usually so afraid we’d attack them as soon as they set foot in the forests, it is almost adorable. And when you lure them away from their companions, their fears just increase, especially if you show yourself for a few seconds, to let them know that you’re indeed there, somewhere, out of their reach.” She let out a hoarse laughter by the thought of the rush she always felt in her veins when she found someone to play with.

“But when you finally show yourself and they realize you’re no threat to them, all their fear and relief are channeled into some more… useful energy. Damn, Rhach, you should see the look in their eyes when they realize they’re about to live this fantasy of get fucked by one of the beautiful savage elves they’ve heard so much about. I’d give anything for someone to look at me that way.”

Rhachalle furled her brows by her words, definitely not convinced at all.

“You actually do want them to believe you could be their downfall?”

Xen’eth sighed and shrugged impatiently as she could tell her sister wouldn’t ever understand.

“I’ll be more careful, if that’s helping you. Don’t expect anything more from me.”


	4. I never stopped being the fuck up you knew. I just learned to nod and shut my mouth and everyone thought I matured

_**9:41 Dragon** _

Usually, Mir’lin would have kept quiet. Just as she had kept quiet all these years before, because even as a kid she had realized soon enough there was no reason behind angering their mother. It only messed with all of their lives, if Deshanna was in a bad mood.

But as she woke up this morning, cradled up on the ground next to her studies instead of their families’ _aravel_ , she decided now it was enough. Her mother crossed a line yesterday, and she wouldn’t stand by silently and watch how their mother dominate her daughters’ lives anymore.

She rose, a tight knot in her stomach as she tried to straighten her hair and brushed the coal around her eyes from her face. She had been too exhausted to do it before she fell asleep this night. Her fingertips touched the hardened surface of the left half of her face, a bitter reminder of how cruel her mother could be if she intended to. Mir’lin wouldn’t allow their mother to keep deciding her sisters’ lives for them. If Rhachalle didn’t act for herself, it was her task to protect her older sister, even if only this one time.

She rushed off before her courage could leave her again, heading for her families _aravel_ , but she stopped as soon as she spotted her mother’s figure stepping right out of it. Mir’lin frowned at the sight. Usually her mother wouldn’t leave their _aravel_ this early, as she prepared herself for the day to come in meditation. She quickened her pace again, her firm decision wavering as she felt a little nervousness rising in her chest.

“Mother, I’d like to speak to you for a moment.” Mir’lin said, trying to regain her determination again. But her mother didn’t even seemed to recognize her. Her gaze darted along the camp side and, to Mir’lin’s astonishment, her mother held her staff readily in a firm grip, the gem at the top of it glowing slightly in a greenish light.

“Have you seen your sister today?” Mir’lin blinked at the question, for a few seconds too surprised by her mother’s reaction to answer. She slowly tried to wrap her mind around the odds of the last days.

“I guess, Xen’eth is already up and hunting, as usual, I…” Her mother’s eyes snapped back into her own and Mir’lin winced at the sight of it. She couldn’t remember any time that these green eyes of hers had ever glowed in anticipation, but today they seemed even colder than before.

“Nonsense. I am talking about Rhachalle.” Mir’lin furrowed her brows at her mother’s words. Rhachalle was gone? Rhachalle never stuck off on her own. Her older sister was not used to be alone in the woods, and just like herself used to stay rather close to the clan’s encampment.

“No, I… No, I haven’t. Isn’t she in the _aravel_?” Mir’lin shook her head firmly, as her mind started to spun an explanation. Her mother’s eyes glommed at her by her words.

“Of course she is not. Otherwise I would not be out here, searching for her, _Da’len_!” Mir’lin could almost hear the insult lingering behind her mother’s restrained words. She bit her tongue again to spare her mother the answer that came to her mind first.

“We will have to search for her. The Clan cannot effort to lose its First.” Mir’lin felt another sudden wave of rage burning in her chest as the harsh words reached her mind. For a second she considered the possibility of their mother simply being unable to show her concern in an appropriate way, but casted it aside by a single look into the glooming green eyes, Mir’lin had searched in for concern, but had found nothing.

“This is all your fault.” Mir’lin hissed against her mother, hoping to cause any type of reaction, but the woman seemed to stay unaffected. A fact that only fanned the anger Mir’lin felt in her chest.

“Where is her stuff? Her sword grip, her staff? Herbs, food?” Her voice pitched in anger, but couldn’t help it. Nor did she want to. It was about time her mother finally learned her daughters had feelings as well.

“It is gone. If it was a matter of Xen’eth, I would suspect she ran.” Mir’lin snorted dryly at the obnoxious words. If it would have been Xen’eth who was missing, or herself for that matter, she doubted her mother would even care. Or notice.

“But because it is your precious Rhachalle, you don’t believe she would stick of? You don’t believe she’d leave you? Oh yes, because you always treated her so well! What were you expecting? That she would bow to your will forever?” Mir’lin let out a strangled laughter, determined to throw all of her anger against this cold-hearted woman who had never cared for her daughters.

“Did you really think you could force her to bond, with him? After what he did to her?” She spat out the last words, shivering at the raw thought of it. She felt the rush of relief as the words finally left her mouth, the words she had restrained herself from saying for almost all of her life. Words, that finally caused a reaction on the hardened face of her mother.

“How do you…?” The woman sputtered, her green eyes suddenly torn open wide in astonishment. Mir’lin frowned, closing the distance between them a little more, trying to look as threatening as she managed, considering this was her mother standing before her and more powerful than she’d ever be. But Creators, Mir’lin needed this. She needed to make her mother see reason, to finally make her understand all the things she had done wrong.

“Of course I know, Mother!” She spat, her face twisted in disgust.

“I was there, the night Rhachalle returned into our _aravel_. After Sim’lar had raped her. You thought me sleeping, but I was awake. And I heard you. Every single word.” Mir’lin had to catch her breath, but wanted to continue, the satisfaction she drew from her mother’s expressions, torn with fear, better than she’d ever expected it to be.

“Do you remember what you told her, mother? Your first question was whether she ever had a period before, because you actually _hoped_ for her getting pregnant! _Fenhedis_ , she was only a child by this time! And this… _man!_ Forced himself upon her! What kind of mother would wish that for her own child?” Mir’lin was barely aware of the tremor in her own voice, angering about it, because right now she was furious. She wanted to feel her mother just as terrified as she had felt, laying on the ground, listening to Rhachalle’s weeping cries and her mother’s cold orders.

“You are mistaken. I did not wish for her to be raped. I wished for her to be the mother of a new generation of powerful mages. Magic, _Da’len_. It is the future of our people. If we want our people to remain, we will have to ensure to have more mages. And the magic…”

“ _’The magic runs strong within your blood,_ Da’len. _As it will in your children’s,_ Da’len. _You owe it to your clan_ , Da’len.’ Yes, mother I know! You told it to her ever since! Every day, until she started to believe it herself! Until she started to believe she was nothing but a bloodline, but a tool!” Mir’lin clenched her jaw for a few moments, attempting to quiet down her racing heartbeat again.

“Like you wanted Xen’eth and me to be tools. Unfortunately for you that Xen’eth prefers to sleep _shem’len_ and myself to sleep with women. So what could you do? You had to focus all your expectations on Rhachalle, and instead of being there for her, instead of caring for her after what she lived through, you just help breaking her down!”

Mir’lin forced herself to take another deep breath before she trusted her own voice again.

“She never wanted to bond. She never actually wanted to be touched by another person _at all_! How could you _dare_ to force her into bonding with the man who had taken her against her will?”

Mir’lin cut her mother of as soon as she saw the elder woman attempted to speak.

“No, don’t you dare. Don’t dare to tell me, it is only because _the magic runs strong in his bloodline_! Your daughter is more than a Creators’ cursed bloodline! She couldn’t stand being near him! If she ran off now, it is no one’s but your fault!” Mir’lin breathed raggedly after all her rage, all her wrath she had kept hidden in all these past years had spilled out of her, leaving her emptied and sad for seconds. Seconds, she only managed to stare at the woman in front of her, clearly troubled by her words. This at least, she had finally managed. She had broken the well-kept mask of her mother.

But before Deshanna could start to object, Mir’lin heard someone approaching and yelling her name.

As she turned around, she spotted the Xen’eth’s flaming red hair against the green depths of the forest surrounding them. Her sister headed straightly towards their mother, but shooting her a worried glance before addressing Deshanna.

“I found Sim’lar’s body. Midst in the woods, there are burn marks and the body, it… It looks like he was killed by a mage!”


End file.
